Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
