go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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