I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize