she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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