I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
