Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
