someone get that fucking seahorse.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
