11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
