Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
