you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
