Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
honey bunches of taint.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
