somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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