So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
