its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
