Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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