Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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