My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
