So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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