It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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