You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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