I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
