Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Panties = found
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
