Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
