I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
