He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
