Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
