2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..