He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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