I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
