It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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