haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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