I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
