So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
