UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
