Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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