I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
