imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
