Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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