I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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