My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
