One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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