I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
