So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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