I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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