I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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