I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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