things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
