Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona

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(801): View more from Utah

We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."

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(303): View more from Colorado

We took shots in honor of Shark Week.

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(513): View more from Ohio

You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

(513): View more from Ohio

and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i live my life in a constant state of hangover.

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(352): View more from Florida

You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.

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(850): View more from Florida

By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever

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(406): View more from Montana

That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things

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