It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
