Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
