I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize