C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
