I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
