How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
