i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
