I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
