Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
