Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
